I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
