I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
