Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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