The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
