She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
