You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
