There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why do cheetos always look like penises
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
