Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
