Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
