Your dad touched me again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize