I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
