drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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