it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
