where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
