I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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