I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i think i just lost a toe
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
