We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
