i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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