so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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