Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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