Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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