The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
