Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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