everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
