so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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