I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
