cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
