I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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