I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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