He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
