Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
