peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
