The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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