he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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