Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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