dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
