We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
