Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
