So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
