whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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