I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
