I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize