you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
