my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
