I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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