Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
