I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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