Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
