Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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