Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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