By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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