i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
