Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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