New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
false alarm. still invincible.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
