i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
