i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
