New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just had sex on a roof
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
