i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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