His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
