just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
