so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
