I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Who died my cat blue again?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
