We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Randomize
