just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
