I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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