her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
