i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
