Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
